Inch of the Day 2 September 2015: Edit of Tale Two of Trio of Tales ‘Leaves’ : Adam and Evelyn


Adam and Evelyn (Excerpt)

I switched off the phone to avoid the wife’s, “HowyouhavethenervetoabandonyourfamilyatChristmastime
almostIdon’tknowbutyou’dbetternotcomebackstinkingofwhiskyand
womenasusualandmaybeyoushouldnotbothercomingbackatallthistime,”
and my brat-pack teenage duo’s non-stop harping for expensive gadgets or the money to buy them and probably enough spliff to kill a small herd of highland cattle.
Sorrel Print I 21 January 2015Next morning I hit a snow-covered road armed with GPS, map and compass. Snow fell consistently as I drove, spying, as I went, first down one lane and then another. By late afternoon, lost, dusk descending, I had to find shelter, anywhere.

‘Anywhere’ was a little granite house surrounded by tall pines,  complete with what would be in spring and summer a cottage garden right and left of a path that led right up to a cherry-red door adorned with a large Christmas wreath. I had driven into a Christmas card.

As I approached, the door swung open. A redhead, beautiful even with the deep scar raking one cheek, stood on the threshold.

What do you think?  Can you improve on my edit? Have I missed a glaring grammatical fault?  I’d like to know.

🙂

About AnnIsikArts

Artist/Writer, Proofreader/Copy Editor
This entry was posted in Christian writing, Short Story Writing, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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