Goats and Graves: (c) Randy Mazie
Every Friday authors from around the world gather around the virtual fireside of fellow WordPress blogger Rochelle Wisoff to share flash fiction stories of 100 words, all inspired – regardless of genre – by a common photograph, and exchange constructive criticism. Readers’ comments are also welcome.
Patterns
“See that bird making feet patterns in the mudflats?”
“Yes, Granda.”
“You’re making patterns too.”
John looked down. “Can’t see any patterns.”
“Everywhere we go. Invisible, mostly.” He took out a photo.“What d’you see?”
“Goat. Big stone.”
“Gravestone. Marks where somebody’s buried. When you die, you stop making patterns. Feet patterns are stories about where feet’ve been. That goat, bird, their patterns tell you where they went to get food to care for their families. Creatures are for caring.”
“What are people for, Granda?”
“Same thing.”
“So people and creatures are the same.”
“No. Creatures don’t know they’re making patterns. People do.”
“Why?”
“Creatures got instinct; humans, choice.”
“What’s choice?”
“You choose what patterns you make with your feet.”
“So I can do what I like.”
“No, John.”
(c) Ann Isik 2013
128 words
I couldn’t make the 100 words this week. Difficult story to write. 128 words is the best I could do.
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Sorry for being late. but this story was simply stunning 🙂
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Oh, wow! Thank you so much! Of course, I don’t think so, but I do feel I’m improving. Wrote a complete 1st draft of a regular-sized short story last week in under 8 hours. First for me.
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I so enjoyed your story, Ann. Glad I found it. Hope my comments don’t end up in your spam box! Polly
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Love your story, Ann. You know, the extra 28 words add to the flavour of this story. My editor’s eye hovers, but I just can’t pick a single word to leave out.
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How kind! It was interesting, what came out of my head for this week’s prompt. I never know. The psychology is a curiosity.
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A wonderful piece and take on life. There’s a lot here, so screw the 100 word limit. I often do that when I think the story will be too clipped if I adhere to it, and it’s the same here. Very interestingl
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Thanks! 🙂
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Quite parable-like in its simplicity. Very well done.
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Thank you! Your comment DID end up in my spam folder, as you warned it might. Hope you get this fixed soon. Puzzling.
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Ann, I think this is one of your best stories.
janet
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I think it needs tweaking, but thanks Janet. Most kind. Ann
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Simply beautiful. Very thoughtful.
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How kind! I don’t feel I quite got the concept across and will develop this one. Sometimes 100 words IS not enough! I looked for your story but couldn’t find it. I hope your dog Zoey is recovering well. And you are too from your horrible week. Ann
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Excellent take on the prompt. I loved the ending.
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Thanks!
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I love Granda’s patient explanations and the way John sums it all up as “I can do what I like!” Typical small child – but when he’s older, he’ll remember and understand, I think.
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But a lot of us grown-ups think freedom of choice means we can do what we like. Thanks for reading. 🙂
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True enough – a lot of us never really grow up.
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🙂
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Lovely conversation and a lovely philosophy granda is trying to impart. Hopefully John’ll get there in the end.
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Thanks Sarah Ann.
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Stunning story! Well done.
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Thanks. I felt limited by word length with this one. It’s a bit ‘Chicken Soup’! Ann
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I fully expected, the very last line, to hear (or read): ‘Yes, John’ – with the provision that you’re able to take responsibility for the consequences.
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John’s too young. Granda will continue his guidance through nature as John gets older! Ann
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Dear Ann,
One word comes to mind, “Amen.”
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks for reading Rochelle, Amen is a fine word! Ann
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excellent take
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Thank you.
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