Every Friday authors from around the world gather around the virtual fireside of fellow WordPress blogger Rochelle Wisoff to share flash fiction stories of 100 words, all inspired – regardless of genre – by a common photograph, and exchange constructive criticism. Readers’ comments are also welcome.
This week’s photo has been provided by writer and blogateer Rick Voza. Here’s the story that Rick’s photo inspired:
Weapons
I shuffled closer.
“No nearer!” He was clutching a photo.
“May I?”
He shrugged, shoved it along the ledge.
“An airplane.”
“And?”
I played along. “Meals trolleys. Baggage truck, airplane …”
“…no personnel. Plus reflection of airplane. Reflection of camera lens. In a window. A photo of somebody taking a photo.
It dawned. “It’s that airplane?”
“I was a paparazzo. On the spot. Big bucks swimming in front of my eyes, I bribed a security guard. The terrorist spotted me. Thought I had a gun.”
“But you weren’t the bomber.”
“My wife and son were on board. ”
“Wait!”
(c) Ann Isik 2013
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Poetic Mapping: Walking Into Art 
You don’t like the story itself or you think you did not write it well?
Well, I think you wrote it quite well. i like stories that are carried along by dialogue, and this one has strong dialogue.
Well done! 🙂
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Thanks Abraham. I thought I’d already replied to your nice comments, but my computer tells me I didn’t! Ann
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Don’t be so hard on yourself–there’s a lot of emotional tension in this story, and even in so few words the characters come across as very complex. I love the subtle childishness of the paparazzo in the beginning–the way the other speaker has to coax it out of him like a game. Great job 🙂
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Thank you! Actually I fixed this with the help of another Friday Fictioneer (Rich Voza, who supplied the photo) with just the addition of one word: ‘But’. And a lot of encouragement from of FFs like your kind self! Ann
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I’m not sure what you feel the failure is so if I’m off the mark here, please set me straight. I don’t think “we” can accurate critique our own writing. This came to my in-box and because it was from you I wanted to have a look. Well, it hooked me and I read it through then came here to tell you how much I liked it – to see your disclaimer. It got to me, created emotions in me, I wanted to know what was going to happen… From this readers perspective, that’s no failure. Thanks friend. Paulette
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I was sure I’d replied to your kind comments but my computer says I haven’t! Forgive me if my computer is wrong and I’m duplicating here. Thanks for your kind comments. I’ve fixed the story with the help of some other Friday Fictioneers here. It’s a really supportive group and the exercise is a good exercise in being economical with words – in case you fancy joining. Ann
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It’s so wonderful to have the help and fix a story, especially from other supportive writers. That’s really important and helpful for sure. I just look at that as different (part of the writing process) and not as a failure. I didn’t realize this was a writing group and my apologies for butting in. I am following you blog and look forward to reading more from you. Happy day to everyone here. Paulette 🙂
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You’re not butting in! it’s not a closed group. Feel free to visit any time. And comment.
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Thank you!
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i saw the jumper and what was happening at the beginning, but i couldn’t clearly see what was going on towards the end around here:
You weren’t the bomber.”
“My wife and son were on board. ”
“Wait!”
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Thanks for reading Rich. Yes, an imbalance between dialogue and ‘other’ or dialogue not good enough.
Scratch “You weren’t the bomber.”
Instead:
“You weren’t the one on the plane with ‘ideals’ and a weapon.”
“I was the one in the terminal with ‘greed’ and a weapon.”
“You didn’t mean it to be a weapon.”
“My wife and son were on board.”
“Wait!”
…………………..
Did he wait or did he jump?
Thanks. You made me rewrite. It’s more than 100 words now, but a better story.
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maybe a “but” in front of “you weren’t the bomber”
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Afterthought: yes. I could just have added the word ‘but’.
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this kind of exercise has lots of room for afterthoughts. not much of a way around it.
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Yes, but it was clever of you to fix the story with the addition of a single word! Thanks for taking the time to do this. Ann
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that might be more credit than i deserve, but i’ll take it. thanks.
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Dear Ann,
It’s never too late to rewrite. I recently did that with an earlier story of mine. Hope you’re feeling better.
I’ll admit to being a bit befuddled as to who was saying what. Maybe it’s my own sleep deprived brain. Don’t abandon ship. You have a good beginning. I look forward to seeing the finished product.
Get well wishes and shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks for the encouragement and the good wishes. I have a cold and also had an injection (steroid) for ‘trigger finger’ this week. The doctor gave me this leaflet that said to ‘rest the limb completely for two days’ after the injection. ‘There’s no chance of that!’ I responded. I will keep the story and after I done a lot, it will be interesting to see what the group looks like. Ann
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Ack! Poor baby. My husband has trigger finger as well. Very painful
Hope the injection helps.
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It’s not painful just inconvenient. It gets itself stuck then flicks back out suddenly. Last week it flicked the lid off an anique spice pot and it smashed on the floor!
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Oh, please don’t give up on the story! It has some really cool things in it. I like the elements. Why not try rearranging them? Why not start the story in the middle and work your way backwards? Or, you can give it to someone else as an idea to develop. I do that for Rochelle a lot. The potential is good and the dialogue seems to hit the right places.
Keep going!!!!! It’s got some immediacy to it.
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Thanks for the encouragement and the good advice. It will be interesting to see the sort of stories I’ve come up with for the photo prompts when I’ve done a lot more. It will tell me something about myself, I’m sure.
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Hi Ann I too had doubts about posting a story in a similar vein but that was where the prompt took us both. I’m glad that you didn’t remove it, it works well – good stuff!
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Thanks a lot Nick. Yes, it is where the prompt took us.
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Dear Ann,
Sending you a planeload full of enregy and get well messages. Your story wasn’t as terrible as you thought. Very close to being smooth and seamless. Perhaps put it on a back burner and come back to it when you are feeling better. Always works for me.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thanks so much for your kind words. Both for my health and story. It is on the backburner as I write! It’s never a good idea to abandon anything entirely as a ‘failure’. Waste of time and energy. Most of my work is ‘in progress’!
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Richard Bausch recently posted this on facebook:
“Babe Ruth set records for striking out. He struck out more than any other player of his time. That didn’t make him any less Babe Ruth. He was still Babe Ruth. A cheesy analogy, I know, but it is also nearly exact. A day’s work may feel like failure; looking at a story or poem that continues to elude us may seem like futility. It is no such thing. It’s the province of creation. Get to work. Try to fail a little better each time, as Beckett advises.”
I love this suggestion. There are days and weeks when I feel like what I am working on is not coming together, not making sense, not sounding right, it’s all wrong. Now, I’m trying to feel good about being immersed in the process of writing, of getting the words out, of making each attempt a little less of a failure. Sorry for the long post, but when I read your comment, I remembered Richard’s post and felt inclined to share it.
By the way, I like the idea embedded in your story, it’s creative and different from the others I’ve read this week.
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Don’t apologise for the long post. I’m honoured you bothered! I loved what you wrote. I understand. As a visual artist it’s only after more than 20 years of practice that I find I am beginning to put something together that has any value from my largely ugly fragments.
I was disappointed in my story but, it was supposed to express the idea that ‘greed’ leads to ‘ruin’. If you got that or anything like it from my ugly words, well done to you! 🙂
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thank you for your response. Being an artist is hard work.
A very good writer friend of mine told me once that if your words affect even one reader, you have done your job. I think you did that.
I look forward to your future words.
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Thanks for your kind words. I’ll endeavour to live up to your good writer friend’s philosophy. I’m always telling people something similar, that while what we do may only ever amount to a drop in the ocean, each drop creates a ripple. I should take my own advice!
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🙂
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You think you’re having a bad day? This guy’s day is way worse. 🙂
janet
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very clever – although I have to confess that I had to read it twice before I got that he was a jumper – probably just my slow brain though. Once I got what was going on, I was hooked 🙂
BTW – Your link in the inlinkz thing didn’t take me here – it took me to an error page – so you might want to redo it.
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Thanks for the comment. I am not happy with my story this week. Not feeling well. I see what I did with the link and handled it. I hope. Thanks for pointing it out. I like your ‘silly’ story and that you persuaded a man to get naked for it is impressive. I’d have had to pay a lot of money …
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I think you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s a great story full of tension, I just needed a little bit more at the start to set the scene. Hope you feel better soon!
btw – the naked man’s not mine – it’s a genuine ebay picture – apparently he didn’t realise he was in the photo.
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I missed your comment! Thanks for the encouragement. Ann
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Yo Ann.. I think there is a problem with your link on this weeks photo prompt! Wife and Kid on board…sad!
Tom
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I’ve fixed the link. Sorry about that. Thanks for reading.
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nice take on the photo.
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Just wonderful! Love this one! Poignant and so well done! Congratulations on your 100 words also!
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Thank you Penny. You are very coherent, considering your brain has just been eaten by aliens.
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You are very welcome! I know it’s amazing isn’t. I was one of the lucky ones. My brain didn’t have any artificial chemicals (additives,preservatives) which is what they are also interested in (apart from a high intellect lol), so they let me go! Whew!
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Missed your comment, sorry! Nobody would want to eat my brains and that’s a fact, alien or otherwise. Ann
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No worries, I miss comments myself! 🙂
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No worries, I miss comments myself! 🙂
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