Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Story Challenge: Weapons


Airplane by Rich VozaEvery Friday authors from around the world gather around the virtual fireside of fellow WordPress blogger Rochelle Wisoff to share flash fiction stories of 100 words, all inspired – regardless of genre – by a common photograph, and exchange constructive criticism. Readers’ comments are also welcome.

This week’s photo has been provided by writer and blogateer Rick Voza.  Here’s the story that Rick’s photo inspired:

Weapons

I shuffled closer.

“No nearer!”  He was clutching a photo.

“May I?”

He shrugged, shoved it along the ledge.

“An airplane.”

“And?”

I played along.  “Meals trolleys. Baggage truck, airplane …”

“…no personnel. Plus reflection of airplane. Reflection of camera lens. In a window. A photo of somebody taking a photo.

It dawned. “It’s that airplane?”

“I was a paparazzo. On the spot. Big bucks swimming in front of my eyes, I bribed a security guard. The terrorist spotted me. Thought I had a gun.”

“But you weren’t the bomber.”

“My wife and son were on board. ”

“Wait!”

(c) Ann Isik 2013

About AnnIsikArts

Artist/Writer, Proofreader/Copy Editor
This entry was posted in Dialogue, Short Story Writing, Writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to Friday Fictioneers 100-Word Story Challenge: Weapons

  1. Abraham says:

    You don’t like the story itself or you think you did not write it well?
    Well, I think you wrote it quite well. i like stories that are carried along by dialogue, and this one has strong dialogue.
    Well done! 🙂

    Like

  2. Hayley says:

    Don’t be so hard on yourself–there’s a lot of emotional tension in this story, and even in so few words the characters come across as very complex. I love the subtle childishness of the paparazzo in the beginning–the way the other speaker has to coax it out of him like a game. Great job 🙂

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thank you! Actually I fixed this with the help of another Friday Fictioneer (Rich Voza, who supplied the photo) with just the addition of one word: ‘But’. And a lot of encouragement from of FFs like your kind self! Ann

      Like

  3. I’m not sure what you feel the failure is so if I’m off the mark here, please set me straight. I don’t think “we” can accurate critique our own writing. This came to my in-box and because it was from you I wanted to have a look. Well, it hooked me and I read it through then came here to tell you how much I liked it – to see your disclaimer. It got to me, created emotions in me, I wanted to know what was going to happen… From this readers perspective, that’s no failure. Thanks friend. Paulette

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      I was sure I’d replied to your kind comments but my computer says I haven’t! Forgive me if my computer is wrong and I’m duplicating here. Thanks for your kind comments. I’ve fixed the story with the help of some other Friday Fictioneers here. It’s a really supportive group and the exercise is a good exercise in being economical with words – in case you fancy joining. Ann

      Like

  4. rich says:

    i saw the jumper and what was happening at the beginning, but i couldn’t clearly see what was going on towards the end around here:

    You weren’t the bomber.”
    “My wife and son were on board. ”
    “Wait!”

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thanks for reading Rich. Yes, an imbalance between dialogue and ‘other’ or dialogue not good enough.

      Scratch “You weren’t the bomber.”
      Instead:
      “You weren’t the one on the plane with ‘ideals’ and a weapon.”
      “I was the one in the terminal with ‘greed’ and a weapon.”
      “You didn’t mean it to be a weapon.”
      “My wife and son were on board.”
      “Wait!”
      …………………..
      Did he wait or did he jump?

      Thanks. You made me rewrite. It’s more than 100 words now, but a better story.

      Like

  5. Dear Ann,
    It’s never too late to rewrite. I recently did that with an earlier story of mine. Hope you’re feeling better.
    I’ll admit to being a bit befuddled as to who was saying what. Maybe it’s my own sleep deprived brain. Don’t abandon ship. You have a good beginning. I look forward to seeing the finished product.
    Get well wishes and shalom,
    Rochelle

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thanks for the encouragement and the good wishes. I have a cold and also had an injection (steroid) for ‘trigger finger’ this week. The doctor gave me this leaflet that said to ‘rest the limb completely for two days’ after the injection. ‘There’s no chance of that!’ I responded. I will keep the story and after I done a lot, it will be interesting to see what the group looks like. Ann

      Like

  6. wmqcolby says:

    Oh, please don’t give up on the story! It has some really cool things in it. I like the elements. Why not try rearranging them? Why not start the story in the middle and work your way backwards? Or, you can give it to someone else as an idea to develop. I do that for Rochelle a lot. The potential is good and the dialogue seems to hit the right places.
    Keep going!!!!! It’s got some immediacy to it.

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thanks for the encouragement and the good advice. It will be interesting to see the sort of stories I’ve come up with for the photo prompts when I’ve done a lot more. It will tell me something about myself, I’m sure.

      Like

  7. Hi Ann I too had doubts about posting a story in a similar vein but that was where the prompt took us both. I’m glad that you didn’t remove it, it works well – good stuff!

    Like

  8. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Ann,

    Sending you a planeload full of enregy and get well messages. Your story wasn’t as terrible as you thought. Very close to being smooth and seamless. Perhaps put it on a back burner and come back to it when you are feeling better. Always works for me.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thanks so much for your kind words. Both for my health and story. It is on the backburner as I write! It’s never a good idea to abandon anything entirely as a ‘failure’. Waste of time and energy. Most of my work is ‘in progress’!

      Like

  9. Richard Bausch recently posted this on facebook:

    “Babe Ruth set records for striking out. He struck out more than any other player of his time. That didn’t make him any less Babe Ruth. He was still Babe Ruth. A cheesy analogy, I know, but it is also nearly exact. A day’s work may feel like failure; looking at a story or poem that continues to elude us may seem like futility. It is no such thing. It’s the province of creation. Get to work. Try to fail a little better each time, as Beckett advises.”

    I love this suggestion. There are days and weeks when I feel like what I am working on is not coming together, not making sense, not sounding right, it’s all wrong. Now, I’m trying to feel good about being immersed in the process of writing, of getting the words out, of making each attempt a little less of a failure. Sorry for the long post, but when I read your comment, I remembered Richard’s post and felt inclined to share it.

    By the way, I like the idea embedded in your story, it’s creative and different from the others I’ve read this week.

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Don’t apologise for the long post. I’m honoured you bothered! I loved what you wrote. I understand. As a visual artist it’s only after more than 20 years of practice that I find I am beginning to put something together that has any value from my largely ugly fragments.

      I was disappointed in my story but, it was supposed to express the idea that ‘greed’ leads to ‘ruin’. If you got that or anything like it from my ugly words, well done to you! 🙂

      Like

      • thank you for your response. Being an artist is hard work.

        A very good writer friend of mine told me once that if your words affect even one reader, you have done your job. I think you did that.

        I look forward to your future words.

        Like

      • annisik51 says:

        Thanks for your kind words. I’ll endeavour to live up to your good writer friend’s philosophy. I’m always telling people something similar, that while what we do may only ever amount to a drop in the ocean, each drop creates a ripple. I should take my own advice!

        Like

  10. You think you’re having a bad day? This guy’s day is way worse. 🙂

    janet

    Like

  11. elappleby says:

    very clever – although I have to confess that I had to read it twice before I got that he was a jumper – probably just my slow brain though. Once I got what was going on, I was hooked 🙂
    BTW – Your link in the inlinkz thing didn’t take me here – it took me to an error page – so you might want to redo it.

    Like

    • annisik51 says:

      Thanks for the comment. I am not happy with my story this week. Not feeling well. I see what I did with the link and handled it. I hope. Thanks for pointing it out. I like your ‘silly’ story and that you persuaded a man to get naked for it is impressive. I’d have had to pay a lot of money …

      Like

      • elappleby says:

        I think you’re being too hard on yourself. It’s a great story full of tension, I just needed a little bit more at the start to set the scene. Hope you feel better soon!
        btw – the naked man’s not mine – it’s a genuine ebay picture – apparently he didn’t realise he was in the photo.

        Like

      • annisik51 says:

        I missed your comment! Thanks for the encouragement. Ann

        Like

  12. Tom Poet says:

    Yo Ann.. I think there is a problem with your link on this weeks photo prompt! Wife and Kid on board…sad!

    Tom

    Like

  13. JackieP says:

    nice take on the photo.

    Like

  14. pennycoho says:

    Just wonderful! Love this one! Poignant and so well done! Congratulations on your 100 words also!

    Like

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